gunah | (no subject)

[Luke snorts in repressed laughter.] No! No, I'm a Jedi. That's the name for people who can work with the Force. My father was a Jedi Master. [Sort of. Not really. Luke remains blissfully ignorant of this fact.] I'm just a Jedi Knight. [Because he decided he was, once, in lieu of actual regimented training.]

[ ~~You sweet summer child.~~ ]

A Jedi knight. [ She does the pronunciation well enough. Nothing too complicated. ] Are you greater than your father, do people tell you so? Or do you hate being compared?

[Luke's expression falters. Up until now, he's been endless cheer around Shuyi. Maybe he's a little tired sometimes, but always in good spirits, ready for anything. Here, his smile falters, and the attempt to plaster it back in place is a bit thin.]

[Still, he keeps smiling.] It's... complicated. I don't... [No, he can't say he doesn't know. He won't pretend his father died before he was born. He refuses to be ashamed. He looks frustrated, querulous, maybe a little sad, all in waves] He... had more training. The first time I fought him, he... defeated me easily.

[And the second time... that's another matter. No one won. Winning wasn't important, wasn't the point. He could have killed him, but that wouldn't have been winning, either.]

[ The change is jarring, like the height of a summer's day quickly receding into wilting autumn, his smile turning uncertain, without the endless optimism that makes his presence so contagious. She thinks she can feel the room turn that little bit colder, and she frowns in sympathy before deciding a smile, albeit sad, is what he really needs.

You will defeat him next time occurs to her, but she doesn't think his loss was what makes him so uncertain. ]

You don't have to be him to be . . . great. You already are.

Oh, no! [Luke laughs, though there's a definite twinge of surprised horror in his tone.] No, of course not. I want to be like the good parts of him. [But now that he's said that much, it would be rude to just leave her hanging, wouldn't he? He decides to navigate these waters slowly, carefully. He shrugs weakly.] He... did some very bad things. Like I said, it's complicated.

[ Shuyi doesn't laugh with him, when she would have in any other situation. His seems only meant to diffuse the tension, not out of any amusement. There's little humor to be found in discovering imperfections in one's idols, let alone one's parents. She drops her feet to the ground to step closer to him, reaching out to hold both his wrists while giving him a look to ask for his permission. ]

Do you want to defeat him or do you want to redeem him?

[Luke sighs, and the air goes out of him slowly. He slumps against the bed.] He redeemed himself. He saved my life, even though it killed him. [He looks back up to Shuyi, expression calm, if a little less energetic than it was.] It's my job to remember the good things about him, and try to make his sacrifice worth it.

[ If Luke won't let himself seem sorrowful in front of her, then she can take that role for him, looking at him with nothing but sympathy. But no pity, even if the difference is slight. ]

Will you tell me the good things about him so I can help you remember?

[If Luke's expression was fond before, it's fonder now; his esteem for Shuyi only continues to grow, and sometimes he feels like he could light rooms with it. She's so calm, so peaceful and cheerful, but she always knows what to say. In his mind, she is, like Ben, what a perfect Jedi should be. Openly helpful, wise without being condescending, Shuyi remains someone Luke can't help but look up to, even as he suspects they're of a similar age.]

[Luke doesn't know much about his father, but he learned a little when he met him on Macha. Maybe that was the point of their short meeting; the Force wanted to give show him the man he was, the man he could have stayed, so Luke could better understand and cherish the entirety of Anakin Skywalker.]

He truly loved my mother. [That is, Luke thinks, the most important thing.] He was an excellent pilot and a skilled Jedi. I think he would have loved my sister and I, if he'd had the chance to know us. And he never wanted to hurt me, I'm sure of it. [The words even if he did hang in the air, unspoken.]

[ Calmness is a facade she has crafted. A poker face to play at politicking at the same par as others who care less than she does, but she will always find herself giving a little too much of herself away, and that's when she would lose. Only that's too easy to do with Luke when he too wears his heart on the palms of his hands. There's a tinge of guilt in her smile when she repeats each good thing about his father in her mind. He never wanted to hurt me.

That's not something she has enough heart to say about her enemies. They did hurt her, they must have meant it. Mercy isn't her best virtue. ]

He never wanted to hurt you. [ As if repeating it would make it truer. ] Does that make it better, or worse?

Better, of course. [Pain is one thing, an unfortunate but inevitable universal constant. But malice, that leads people down the path of darkness, twists them into wickedness and cruelty.] If he'd wanted to hurt me... then it would have been impossible to save him. The man who was my father would have been gone, instead of just... lost.

[Because that's how he thinks of Sith. People not as lucky as him, who have lost their way in the Force.]

[(Except Palpatine, because, seriously, fuck that guy.)]

[ Shuyi thinks it's so much easier if she could freely despise those who hurt her because they meant to. This is where they disagree, but she keeps her thoughts to herself for the time. ]

Did you find him, before the end?

[Luke nods slowly.] He found himself-- saved himself. [There's evident pride and affection in his voice.] He died to save me. [And it makes sense to him, because he knows about the dark side of the Force and finding redemption through leaving it; he assumes in a kind of kneejerk way that Shuyi, who reminds him so much of the prototypical Jedi, would understand as well. So he doesn't explain, just states it as though it were obvious in a world where morality is not so strictly defined.]

[ For all her talk of ideals, Shuyi has long bent morality to fit her own purpose, deciding an evil to be worthy of a greater good only to find that they have all been mistaken. How does one defeat a monster without becoming one along the way? She thinks it's impossible. But then, she thinks that this is the way. Redemption before the end.

She says little else when she moves closer to gather him into a loose embrace. This is a happy ending. ]

I'll remember that.

[She hugs him, and he hugs back. It's an oddly emotional moment-- his voice is stuck in his throat for a moment, and he can't understand why, until-] Thank you, Shuyi. I don't think I've ever told anyone before.

[ Shuyi is pleased to hold on to him until he makes the first move to let go, knowing that sometimes, it's only a matter of knowing that one isn't carrying the pain all alone. ]

I will keep it a secret if you ask me to.

[Luke lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.] Thank you. I- it's not that I'm ashamed. [He says that with the sort of boyish defiance life hasn't yet beaten out of him.]

I just don't think other people would understand about him... [Because it's Luke's duty to protect his legacy-- his real legacy, the history of the man who was both Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader. Luke can't forget either, nor can he favor one over the other; he has to learn from them both. It's the only way to balance the Force, and let his father rest in peace..]

[ She knows nothing of the Force, no matter what Luke thinks of her perspective and her words. She's no Jedi, no young Padawan. What she knows is compassion and how grief never ends and what a simple hug can do. She holds him a little tighter. ]

I do only because you helped me to.

[ And because he happens to have told someone who thinks herself worse still. ]